Being a parent who is a trans woman can be a complicated experience at times. While I knew I was trans for a long time, I did not come out until later in life. Becoming a parent was wonderful, scary and very emotional time. The joys of being a parent were also reminders that I was not as mum.

I was lucky in that I was able to be a stay-at-home parent for the 1^st year, which I found very rewarding, and I look back with fondness at the time and the bond I made with my kid. But sadly it was very isolating as well, while I would go to parent and child groups I was still very much in the closet and presenting as a guy. This left me out of a lot of conversations, people being weary of you in what is traditionally seen as a mother’s only spaces.  Given the current climate we live in, I can’t see it being any easer these days.

When I did come out, my kid was at primary school. Coming out to loved ones is difficult, you never know what to expect. You read all sort of things, but in general kids are adaptable and understanding. You worry about the child getting bullied at school due to your transition or what other parents have told their kids about trans people. Kids are not born with prejudice, this is a learnt behaviour, thankfully this was not something we needed to worry about. It also turned our case was not the only one and school and friends were very supportive. For any child, having a parent who is transitioning does bring up a lot of questions which is only natural. I found using books on puberty made for their age group helped explain the changes occurring over time.

My day-to-day experiences being a trans parent is the same as any same sex parents. The social circles in which we move are welcoming, but in official settings you can get questions along the lines of “who is the biological parent?”. The response of “we both are” often gets looks of confusion for a second or two but so far it has not progressed into any problems.

My family is my world and my rock, and we face the world together.

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